BLAH BLAH BLAH

what the hell should i talk about here.

I feel like there is so much going on yet I dont even know how to sum it all up.

So... I havent been dating and I am for the most part cool with that.

I have some male friends and I am kinda like a wing man for them. I always just assumed that maybe these guys just didnt dabble around with black girls and therefore were just not that into me, so I look at them like girlfriends (with an extra member)

until recently, one of them kissed me and now I am all confused trying to figure out if I like him that way or if I am just scared if I dont like him that way, that we cant hang out anymore. But the day after he kissed me he went to Iraq so I guess I dont have to worry about it, except that he has not emailed me since he has been gone and other members of his company have been emailing so I think things have already gotten weird even though he's not here.

I feel like an ass, like I led him on or something. Now he's gone to this dangerous place and he might not ever come back and I cant even really talk to him about it. Nothing I can really do here just wanted to vent I guess.

(sigh)

NEW YEAR

I cant believe the year is almost over.

it doesnt feel like i accomplished anything. I know that's not true, but it feels like there is still so much to do.

Recently I was talking to my sister about how much more we will have figured out when we are in our 30's and as I was talking I realized, I might not be true.

What if for the rest of my life, I will constatly be working endless days to pay bills that will never stop coming.

What if all of my friends continued to get engaged on Christmas while I am working a double with no special someone even thinking about sending me a custom text message.

I guess we will see what this year brings.

Happy new year to you!